Vacation in Fresno
by muchasfandomas
Summary: Sam has a mission. She has to prevent Carly from making the biggest mistake of her life with some guy she hardly knows. However, she also has to decide whether to make that same mistake with someone she's always known. Sequel to Sooner or Later.
1. Disaster Awaits in SeaTac Airport

"Dudes, Carly should be coming off right about now!"

"Fresno, here we come, baby!"

"Oh yeah!" Sam started dancing around Freddie and Spencer in the middle of Sea-Tac Airport, which neither of them happened to find strange in any way whatsoever. Carly was finally coming back from New York after causing them two months of separation anxiety, so why shouldn't they randomly dance for the occasion? However, Sam stopped dead in her tracks once they had all realized that every person had boarded off the plane. Spencer shrugged.

"Hm. That's odd, we must have missed her."

"Yeah, that Carls of ours can blend in easy." Sam commented, looking all about. She burst into a fit of giggles once she spotted a young couple making out in the middle of the crowd.

"Look at that hooch swallowing that albino's face." Freddie rolled his eyes and smiled.

"He's not albino, Sam… but they really should stop… it's getting disturbing." All three of them started to shiver. Their make-out session had promoted itself to groping.

"_Really_ disturbing… hey, look. That girl's wearing a Colombia shirt. She must go to school with Carly!" Spencer smiled at the two of them, excited. Sam raised her eyebrows.

"Freaky. I gave Carly _that _bracelet when we were in sixth grade." Freddie glanced at Sam. She seemed to get the connection as much as Spencer did.

Freddie swallowed hard. He hoped to God that Spencer didn't decide to hit him. "Um, guys?"

"Yeah?"

"That _is_ Carly." Silence. Spencer's smile slid off his face until he started laughing moments later.

"_Noooo!_ Carly wouldn't—she _wouldn't_!" Sam took a breath and started towards the girl, yanking her apart from the boy.

A horror-stricken Carly shrieked as Spencer shrieked back at her, running towards her and continuing to scream for a good minute. Carly put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes.

"Calm down!"

"I won't—you won't—who _is _this?" Freddie stepped up to join Sam and Spencer. Carly hadn't informed either of them of any boy whatsoever.

The boy looked at the three friends, frightened by their angered expressions. Carly took a breath. "This is Jean-Claude. He's a French exchange student from Colombia… _and_…"

"And what? You brought him here so you could make a meal out of him in front of the whole airport?"

"_Spencer_!"

"I—will—kill—you!" Spencer growled at the blonde boy, who hid behind Carly and mumbled a few French words.

"Don't you mumble French!"

"Spencer! I brought him here so that we could all go to Fresno! _Together!_"

"I am _not _going if he's going!" Carly rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Then I guess it'll be Freddie, Sam, Jean-Claude and me going alone!"

"Oh no you're not!"

"You can't tell me what to do! I'm eighteen! I'm a _college student_!"

"And who's paying for your college tuition? Huh?" Carly rolled her eyes.

"_No one! _I got a full ride!"

"Grr—gawr—argh!" Spencer couldn't seem to express his anger into words and he stepped away.

Carly half-smiled at Freddie and Sam, who did not seem to be amused. Carly frowned as Sam started to zoom in on Jean-Claude, not sure of what she would do.

"Sam, what are you doing?" Sam did not respond as she started to sniff him. She snapped back quickly, a surprised expression on her face. Jean-Claude, however, seemed startled.

"Is she going to eat me?" he asked Carly, wide-eyed.

"You never know." Freddie responded in a sharp voice. Sam shot Jean-Claude a quick glare and stood behind Freddie.

"He _doesn't _smell like cheese!" Freddie giggled, and Carly rolled her eyes.

"I heard that!" Carly huffed and frowned at her friends.

"Are you guys mad at me?"

"Well, let's see. We were all planning to have a chizzin' time at Fresno—and now that Spencer's not coming, Freddie's wacko mom probably won't let us go." Carly half-smiled.

"Is that all you're mad about?"

"Dude, why didn't you tell us?" Carly shrugged.

"I didn't want you to get upset. I know you hate French people, Sam."

"Oh, great. So you decided to surprise her instead." Freddie rolled his eyes. Sam shrugged. "Well… I don't just hate French people… I hate Canadians, too. I mean, what's with them? They got me all confused with their bacon and their ham!"

"I know, right?" Carly nodded in agreement, trying her best to divert her anger. It often worked with Sam.

"Oh, no you don't! Don't you get her distracted!" Carly cussed under her breath as she recalled a simpler time when Sam and Freddie weren't dating—or living under one roof. Now, they were pretty hard to defeat.

"Wait, did you just curse?" Sam asked, a smile starting to form. Carly laughed nervously.  
"I can do it in French now, too!" her voice quivered. Spencer strolled back over to where they stood.

"All right, I'm going to let you choose. It's either me or—" Spencer threw Jean-Claude a look of disgust, "_him_." Carly raised her eyebrows.

"I'm sorry, what am I choosing?"

"Fresno! Either me or him! Choose him and I'm not talking to you!"

"What do you mean—like ever?"

"Not when you're with _him_!"

"But you don't even know him!"

"He's French! He's got some problem with that _perfect hair _and that _perfect _body! I don't trust him and I can see it!"

Jean-Claude nervously approached Spencer, his shoulders low. "I respect your daughter, sir." Spencer, Sam and Freddie all gasped at once. Carly closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Oh _no_."

"He doesn't even know I'm your _brother_? And I am _NOT THAT OLD!_" Carly took a breath.

"If Spencer didn't come with us to Fresno, would you guys be okay with lying to Mrs. Bensen?" Carly asked in a low voice. Freddie and Sam gaped at her, not knowing how to respond. Lying to Mrs. Bensen? No problem. Sam did that all the time, especially whenever she brought bacon into the house and would pretend not to know where it came from. Carly had just _deaded _Spencer. That was unheard of.

"_Dude!_"

"No, Sam. It's okay. I get it. Carly's an adult. She can make her own decisions." Spencer nodded in Carly's direction, picked up his bag and walked out towards the exit.

There was a long, cold silence between the three of them. Jean-Claude, seeming to sense the awkwardness, smiled at the three of them.

"Who is ready for this Fresno?"

Sam stared blankly at him. She wanted to punch him with every inch of her gut, but she held it all in for Carly… for now.


	2. Making Conversation

"Isn't Jean-Claude cute?"

"As a button." Sam replied sharply. They sat behind Freddie and Jean-Claude on the Coach Bus, and Carly was failing in her attempts to make conversation.

"You're not gonna be mad at me forever, are you?" Sam sighed.

"No." Carly grinned and gave Sam pouting eyes. Sam laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Give me the deets!"

"We met last month in one of my pre-requisites. He couldn't speak much English so I had to help him—and over time we—fell in love!" Sam stared blankly at her friend.

"Okay, why do I want to barf and hit you at the same time?" Carly laughed.

"Sam, I'm serious. I've never felt anything like this before."

"Yeah, after a whole month with some foreign dude, I would be swooned too… Wait, did he give you food?"

"_Food_?"

"You know, _foreign _food?" Carly shook her head, confused.

"No."

"Agh, geez! Now I really wanna hit you! Why are you doing this to me, Carls?"

"Sam, calm yourself!"

"You can't be in love with a guy after a month unless he's bought you _tons _of foreign food!"

"Shush! In case you haven't noticed, my version of a good romance is a bit different from _yours_."

Sam chewed on her gum. "Yeah, tall, foreign and stupid isn't my type."

"Sam, _please_." Carly begged. Sam huffed.

"Go on."

"I know this might sound really mean but… I'm kind of glad Spencer isn't with us. I had plans with Jean-Claude that I couldn't possibly pull off with Spencer around." Sam's eyes widened as she glared at Carly.

"What kind of plans?"

"Oh… just, plans." Sam continued to glare.

"Carls, you better spill."

"Fine! Sam… I think Jean-Claude might be… _the one_."

Sam's face pulled itself into a blank stare. "The one? _What _one?"

"You know, _the _one."

"I'm really not getting you, dude. _Which _one?" Carly huffed and whispered in Sam's ear. Sam's eyes slowly widened.

"No! No, no, no, no, no! Dude, _I _haven't even done that!" Sam whispered angrily. Carly seemed taken-aback, surprised.

"You and Freddie never—?"

"_Chizz_ _no_!" Carly paused.

"Are you scared?" Sam rolled her eyes and started to stuff her earphones in.

"You're not gonna go through with it."

"Yes I—"

"You'll chicken out."

"Have you ever chickened out?"

"You can't loose your virginity to some dude you don't even know."

"_Don't say that_! And I do know him!"

"Last name?"

"Baker."

"Occupation?"

"Student at one of the top schools in the country. That good enough for you?"

Sam took out her earphones and glared at Carly.

"I'm not _impressed _with some smancy edumacation."

"That's only because you won't have one." Sam blinked, a blank expression on her face, as she stuffed her earphones back into her ears.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, I just got angry." Carly pulled out one of the earplugs.

"Forgive me?"

"_Yes_."

"Thanks."

"No problemo."

Carly frowned down at the floor. "You should come to New York with me sometime. You'd like it."

"I don't think I'd want to, not after the peach it turned you into." Carly lifted her head slowly.

"Let's not make this a bad vacation, Sam."

"It won't be." Sam paused. "I'm not mad at you. I guess we just have a lot of catching up to do." Carly laughed.

"Yeah." An awkward silence. "So is it fun… living with Freddie and his mom?" Sam snorted.

"Kind of. I just like to mess with the nut."

"What do you do to her?" Sam smirked sadistically.

"The usual. Not closing my mouth while I chew, hiding her soy products, feeding Freddie bacon…" Carly laughed.

"Sounds like fun."

"Yep." Carly smiled.

"So… can I ask you something?"

"As long as it's not about your French potato-pie, shoot." Carly hesitated.

"Do you—do you love Freddie?" Sam rolled her eyes.

"What a stupid question. Did you turn _completely _dumb as soon as you entered that wacko school?" Carly laughed.

"I know. I was just warming you up for my next question…"

"Which is?" Carly paused again.

"Why haven't you done it?" Sam seemed apprehensive, but snorted.

"Simple. Freddie's a prude and his mom's got a combination on my bedroom door."

"You're _kidding_! She locks your door?"

"How does this surprise you? We've pretty much always known she's a nut-job!" Carly paused.

"Seriously… that's the _only _reason you haven't done it?" Sam shrugged.

"I don't know. That and maybe the fact that I don't want to be an eighteen year old mama." Carly rolled her eyes.

"That won't happen with me and Jean-Claude."

"You're right, because you're not doing it with him."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"Not!"

"_Sam_!"

"_Not_!"

"Shhhh!" Freddie turned around and whispered to them. Carly blushed.

"What'd you hear?"

"Loud and annoying mummering."

"So… no words?"

"No. Why, what are you saying?"

"Nothing." Carly responded. Freddie continued to eye her suspiciously. "_Turn around_!" Freddie rolled his eyes and turned. Carly glared at Sam.

"_Do NOT tell him!"_

"You're not—!"

"_DON'T_!" Sam huffed and looked to the window. By some miracle, she had to figure out a way to save her best friend from ruining her life.


	3. The Smell of Fresno Air

"Smell that Fresno air, baby!" Sam yelped as they all stepped into their winter-themed Fresno cabin. Freddie gaped.

"Carly, you and Spencer have come here _every _year?" Carly followed them in, holding both hers and Jean-Claude's bags in her hands.

"Yep… well, Spencer's not here for this year but… it's okay, I guess."

Sam bolted for the stairs and Carly and Freddie gave each other startled looks. They ran up after her, along with Jean-Claude. Sam plunged herself into the biggest bedroom and landed, with a huge plump, face-first on the bed. Sam flapped her arms around in excitement.

"Mine! All _mine!_" Freddie smirked in amusement and Carly giggled.

"Sam, there's only two rooms." Sam sat up immediately, looking like a child who had just been cheated out of ice cream.

"Oh, all right. I guess it'll be me and you, Carls. Sorry, Freddo—you're gonna have to sleep in el otro cuarto con el foreign-o weirdo."

"Sam, that's not—!"

"Actually, Sam, I was thinking that Jean-Claude and I would sleep in the other room, and you and Freddie can have this one."

Carly hooked on to Jean-Claude as Sam eyed her suspiciously. Freddie nodded.

"Okay."

"Wait, what? No! We're not in Vegas, we're in _Fresno_!" Carly rolled her eyes.

"And the difference is?"

"You don't screw your hooker in Fresno!" Sam indicated Jean-Claude with her arm, and Carly gaped at her.

"Am I… your—how you say—hooker?" Carly rolled her eyes.

"No! No, you're not! Sam, if you don't behave yourself, Jean-Claude and I are taking this bed!"

"I called dibs!"

"This is _my _Fresno house!"

"No, it's _Spencer's_!"

"Whom, by the way, isn't here!"

"You know what Carly? Spencer doesn't even like you right now so just shut your big fat—!"

"Guys, stop!" Freddie yelled. Both Carly and Sam were getting way out of hand.

"Sam, it's no big deal. We'll just take the smaller bed."

"_But_—!"

"It's no big deal! We'll unpack in the other room. It's right next door, there's only a slight difference, okay?" Sam let out a yelp of frustration, stuck her tongue out at Carly, and ran into the next room.

Freddie shrugged and started to follow after her.

"Thanks, Freddie." Carly sighed. Freddie rolled his eyes and decided not to respond. Quite frankly, he knew as well as Sam did how ridiculous Carly was being.

He walked into the next room to find Sam squeezing her head with a pillow and screaming into it. Freddie jumped on the bed and yanked the pillow aside.

"What are you _doing_?"

"Dude, you don't know what you've just _done_! We've just put Carly and that _skunkbag _in the same room!"

Freddie huffed. "We haven't seen Carly in a while. Let's just make the best of this. No fighting." Sam held her breath to keep from retorting. Her cheeks grew pinker.

"Come on, just help me unpack." Sam, continuing to hold her breath, jumped off the bed and helped Freddie with their suitcase. "Maybe you should give Jean-Claude a chance."

"Oh yeah, and I should hug a shirtless Gibby covered in meatballs while I'm at it." Freddie laughed.

"He seems _harmless_."

"Oh yeah—harmless until he gets what he wants from her." Freddie paused.

"What do you mean?" Sam sighed.

"Carly wants to screw her foreign albino!"

"_What? _Here?"

"Apparently! She was all like 'I'm so glad Spencer's not coming, it'll interfere with my plans. Muhahaha-BLAGH!" Freddie sighed.

"How long has she known him?"

"Like a month. I swear, that school's made her wacko. I've heard of girls going wild in college, but I never thought it'd be Carly."

"Ugh. Stop. I don't want to talk about this."

"I wasn't supposed to tell you."

"So why'd you tell me?"

"To make you see the chizz you've done!"

Freddie rolled his eyes. "Well it's not like we could stop her, even if we wanted to." Sam stopped dead in her tracks.

"_Freddo_. They are _right _next door. I don't need to remember my _blast from the past_. You know, my mom and all her hairy motorcycle boyfriends?"

"Gah! Sam, cut it out!"

"We've gotta face the facts here, bud! Carly thinks she's all womanly… and apparently she thinks it's an excuse to screw up her life." Sam took a breath.  
Freddie glanced at her. "You're not seriously going to make this whole vacation about abolishing Jean-Claude, are you?"

Sam stared at him. Didn't Freddie know any better than to dare her?

"Do you _not _know me by now?" Freddie sighed.

He should have known better.


	4. Cries of a French Man

The light flicked on for the tenth time in four hours. Freddie slapped his hand over his eyes and groaned. "Sam, go to sleep!"

"I'll be back." Sam said, her jaw clenched as she grabbed her water spray bottle for the fifth time and headed into the other room. Freddie huffed and waited.

"Ah, Sam, stop it!"

"Je me rends! Je me rends!"

"WHAT IS HE SAYING? WHAT IS HE SAYING? I WANNA HEAR IT! I WANT HIM TO FEEL IT!"

Freddie groaned as he heard Jean-Claude's cries.

"Stop, you've made him cry!"

"Took long enough!" Freddie heard another loud cry from Jean-Claude before Sam came back into their room. She smiled briefly at Freddie and got back underneath the covers, turning the light back off. Freddie huffed and turned the light back on.

"That's it. We either stay up all night or we go to sleep. Your choice." Sam turned on her side to face Freddie.

"Seems like we're staying up." The door burst open and Carly stood in the doorway, drenched in water with an angered expression. She slowly drew her shaking finger to a point at Sam.

"Control her!" Freddie nodded tiredly, knowing that he still wouldn't be able to. Carly slammed the door shut and stomped back to her room.

There was a silence between Freddie and Sam for a while, until they both burst out into laughter. "You made him _cry?_"

"You heard him, right? So you can tell Spencer I'm not making this up!"

"I'd never wish you were!" they laughed harder, and their laughter didn't fade for a while.

Freddie smiled at Sam. "Seriously, please leave them alone."

"No. I'm not letting her do this."

"You're not letting her do what, Sam? I doubt they're gonna want to do it tonight after what you've put them through!" Sam growled.

"You never know. The moment I shut my eyes, they can be _doing it_." Freddie snorted.

"I doubt it. Relax. Please. For me?"

"No." Freddie sighed.

"Why does this matter so much to you, anyway? I mean… it's Carly's life, right? She's _eighteen_."

"I'm eighteen. You're eighteen. Doesn't mean we should do it." Freddie gulped. _That _was awkward.

"Well, good night!" Freddie exclaimed, overly-cheerful as he shut out the light. Sam smiled to herself, amused and nervous at the same time.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"Freaking you out."

"What? I'm not freaked out."

"So why is your voice super high?"

"Why is your voice… kind of high?"

"Because I'm a _girl_."

"Oh. Right."

"Yeah."

"Yep." They were quiet again. Freddie huffed and turned the light back on.

"Do you want to talk?" Sam took a nervous breath and turned to face him again. "About what?" Freddie gulped again. He could feel his throat getting dry.

"About… Carly... and Jean-Jean." Sam snorted and took a nervous breath. For a second there, she thought he was going to ask about _them_.

"It's just—that kind of thing's a big deal. Carly's not ready for it."

"Wouldn't _she _know if she was ready for it or not?"

"Apparently she _doesn't_."

"But what if she _does_? Maybe she's ready for it. Maybe it's just not that big of a deal for her."

"Dude, it _is _a big deal. It's _always _a big deal."

Freddie paused. "Is it that big of a deal for you?" Sam froze, her heart in her throat. She wasn't sure if she was ready for this conversation. Freddie jumped up when she didn't respond.

"Sam, are you okay?"

"Relax, I'm fine." More silence. "I'm thinking of how to answer that."

Freddie half-smiled, sympathetically and curiously at the same time. "Well, it's a yes or a no."

"Then yes. Ya happy? Thanks for complicating things, _Bensen_." Freddie blushed and laughed.

"I'm just _curious_."

"Curiosity killed the cat. Ever heard of that?" Freddie rolled his eyes. Sam pulled the covers over her head and rolled to the opposite side.

"Great. _Now _you wanna sleep?"

"I'm _not _in the mood." Freddie sighed.

"It's okay. It's a big deal for me, too." Sam didn't respond. Freddie rubbed her shoulder. "_Sam_."

Sam slowly rolled over and looked up at him. Freddie shrugged.

"I'm scared, too."

"I'm not _scared_. That's a stupid word." Freddie rolled his eyes and rubbed her arm.

"All I'm saying is maybe it's not as big of a deal to Carly."

"Dude. She called him _the one_."

"So?"

"No girl talks about _the one _in a non-serious way. The _one _is supposed to be the one dude who loves you like hell."

"Love and hell in the same sentence. That's special."

"Jean-Fraud _doesn't _love her that way."

Freddie shrugged. "Just don't let it ruin your vacation. In all truth Sam, it's none of your business and you know it." Sam shrugged from under the covers.

"Sure, I know it. Doesn't mean I won't butt in anyway." Freddie sighed. Another silence. "If Carly's really this easy with finding _the one_, we should set her up with the Gib, don't you think?" Freddie snorted.

"Ah, if only Gibby didn't still have Tasha."

"That can definitely be arranged." Freddie laughed.

"I doubt Carly would go for that." Sam smiled mischeviously.

"Why not? I'd go for you, and at times you're a bigger dork than he is."

"Meh."

"Mah!" Freddie smiled.

"I'm turning off the light, and we're getting some sleep." Sam groaned, but nodded.

"Whatever… tomorrow's another day." Freddie looked over at the clock. It was five o clock in the morning. He groaned and wondered how he could go on another night.


	5. Love Games

***A/N: Sorry it took me so long to upload! It's wrapping up soon, I promise =)**

"Look at them… they make me _sick_." Sam bit into her apple as she sat on the kitchen counter watched Carly and Jean-Claude through the window. They were on horseback, and Carly was constantly rubbing her nose into the back of Jean-Claude's neck. She jumped when she heard a clunk of plates. She looked over her shoulder to see Freddie angrily dropping their dirty plates into the sink, glaring at them. Sam raised her eyebrows. "What's wrong with _you_?"

"What's wrong with me? I've had three hours of sleep, that's what's wrong with me!"

Sam rolled her eyes, not amused. "So have I and you don't find me complaining. Suck it up, be a man." Sam spat bitterly. She wasn't in the mood for Freddie's complaining, so she turned back to the window.

_Clunk_.

_Clunk._

_CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK!_

"What's _wrong _with you?"

"Can you make yourself _useful _in at least one _small _way and help me with the dishes?" Sam glared at him. His face was so irritating when it was pink and bitter.

"Sure. Give me a plate." Freddie sighed and handed Sam a rather large plate. Jean-Claude had just hopped off the horse now, walking away from Carly to give her some space to ride on her own. Perfect target.

Sam flung it at him with full force and perfect aim. The plate smashed against his back and Jean-Claude fell to the floor, crying. Carly turned her horse around to see Sam's grinning face at the window. Sam dropped her grin, looked back at Freddie for help—he looked rather speechless—she rolled her eyes and bolted upstairs. Maybe Carly hadn't seen her. If she thought Freddie had done it, he would have taken the blame and she wouldn't have been as mad. _But_…

"Sam, I'm going to _KILL _you!" Uh oh. She heard bustling upstairs, Freddie yelling after Carly to calm down, and Jean-Claude's continued cries from outside. Carly burst into the room, fuming beyond belief.

"_Why_? _Why_, Sam? What is this, some kind of competition between you and me? Well it _stops _now." Sam gaped at Carly. Did she honestly think…?

"You can't seriously think I'm after your stupid boyfriend." Carly snorted.

"No. You know exactly what this is about. You want to beat me to it, _go ahead_. You just don't like the idea of me and Jean-Claude being together because it'll make me _special_. I'll be before you, but you don't have to worry about that. You want to be the special one, Sam? Then I won't stop you, but _you're _definitely not stopping me." Carly spoke darkly, clearly. Sam gulped. She felt her throat burning.

"That's _not _it, Carls!"

"What's not it? I'm not following." Freddie admitted. They both ignored him.

"Then what is it? Because you can't honestly care this much for any other reason!"

"Oh yeah? It can't possibly be because you're my best friend, because you've been a great person during the nine years that I've known you, right? No, of course not. I can't want to protect you from damaging yourself and becoming a bigger shithole than you've become already! Of _course _not! And of course you don't remember how I've stood by you through _everything _and there have been plenty of more times when you haven't stood by me! There were plenty of times when you've been _embarrassed _by me, apologizing to other people for who I am. Well, Carly, I am _so _sorry for not wanting you to have to apologize for who _you've _become." Sam's voice shook as she spoke. Carly stood, stunned at what her friend had said. Sam marched out of the room and Freddie tried to grab her.

"_Sam_!"

"Don't _you _even start! You haven't stood by me from the moment we got here!"

"Of course I'm standing by you! I'm just trying to keep you from throwing away nine years of friendship over _nothing_!" Sam glared at him, water starting to pour over.

"You get it. I know you do." Freddie continued to stare at Sam as if he was confused as to _what _he got. Sam rolled her eyes and hurried down the stairs.

"Sam! Sam, come back! I'm sorry!" Carly called after her. Sam stormed out of the door, slamming it behind her. Carly went to go for the door, but Freddie pulled her.

"She'll come back." Carly sighed and stood still, almost ready to cry. "Carly, can I ask you a question? Do you even know _what _you're sorry for?" Carly looked up at Freddie with watered eyes.

"Hurting Sam."

"Yeah, but the thing is… I don't think you are sorry. Ever since you came back, you haven't cared about hurting anyone who actually cares about you. Carly... I think _you're _the one who's trying to compete." Carly raised her eyebrows.

"What do you mean?" Freddie rolled his eyes.

"This vacation was supposed to be for _all of us_, yet you've made it all about _you_. And you've made sure to ruin Sam's vacation over it." Carly began to glare at Freddie. She was catching on.

"What _exactly _are you saying?"

"This whole thing has never been about thinking you're in love, or wanting to do something for yourself. It's been about you beating Sam and hurting her while you're at it." Carly gaped at him. She wanted to scream, but nothing came out.

"So… so you're saying that the whole reason I want to _be with _Jean-Claude is to intentionally hurt Sam? That's ridiculous!"

"I'm not saying that it was completely intentional! I'm saying that—Sam hasn't had something that you haven't in a long time—maybe, subconsciously, you were—?"

"Jealous? Don't tell me you were about to say _jealous_!" Freddie raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. He waited.

"Freddie, I want you to go find Sam. I want you out right now." Freddie rolled his eyes.

"And here you are, proving my point." As soon as the door shut behind him, Carly went to find Jean-Claude. They didn't think she really loved him? Well, she'd show them, wouldn't she?


	6. Shooting at Bunnies Pointless

***A/N: Sorry it's been so long! Again, really sorry!**

Freddie walked for what seemed like an hour until he reached the spot where he knew Sam would be. A middle-aged balding man stood in the middle of the field, trying to feed his flock of chickens. He raised his eyebrows and looked over at Freddie.

"Yes?" he grunted, scratching at his bald spot. Freddie flinched.

"Is Sam Puckett here?" the man grunted again toward a secluded wall area, through which Freddie could hear repeated gun shots.

"Thanks."

"Pick up those ear protector things on your way in." Freddie nodded. The man resumed working, then turned back around. "Has she done this before?"

Freddie rolled his eyes. It _was _possible.

"I wouldn't be surprised." He started to head over to the shooting range area, picking up the earmuffs on his way in. Sure enough, he found Sam fully focused on a tiny rabbit, shooting at just the right time. Freddie jumped.

"Gah, Sam! What's the matter with you?" Sam didn't seem to hear him. In fact, he didn't even hear himself so he removed his earmuffs and then knocked off Sam's. Sam jumped, her gun pointed directly at Freddie. When she noticed it was him, she sighed a breath of relief and wiped off a dab of sweat from her forehead.

"How the hell did you find me here?"

"Where else would you be? It's the closest form of civilization in Fresno that involves violence." Sam rolled her eyes.

"Well go away. I'm obviously here because I want to be alone."

"Sam, talk to me. Whatever Carly does, it's not your fault." Sam glared at Freddie. She honestly thought he got it.

"You don't get it, do you? I failed. Carly's going down a one-way-train to stripperville." Freddie snorted but cut himself short at the sight of Sam's glare.

"She's _not_. Look, one incident can't change _one person_'s entire personality. Carly was genetically programmed to be a good girl, trust me."

"That's how they all start out! Then Daddy leaves and again, one-way-train to stripperville."

"Cut it out! Carly's dad didn't actually leave, and yours did. You don't have the stereotypical 'Daddy-issues'." Sam glared at Freddie.

"Put two and two together. You just left Carly—ALONE—with Jean-Fraud! What do you think they're doing?"

"I didn't _leave_, Carly kicked me out! And she wouldn't have kicked me out if you didn't go _stormin' out _on your way to kill innocent animals!"

"Boo-hoo! 'My name is Freddie Bensen and I like to side with the bunnies, and French men, and _even _my high school crush _Carly_, but _no_, not my girlfriend' with the GUN!"

Freddie blinked, shocked at what Sam had just said—all in a super high-pitched-voice that was supposed to be _him—_that is, with everything besides the emphasis on gun. That part was all Sam.

"First of all, I do not sound like that. Second of all, I do not sound like that. And third of all, I DO NOT SOUND LIKE THAT!"

Sam popped her earmuffs back on and shrugged her shoulders at Freddie sarcastically. "Sorry, I can't hear you! I'm too busy killing the bunnies that you obviously like more than me!" and with that, Sam missed her shot and the bunny started to scurry to the other side of the fence, hoping for an escape. Freddie huffed and pushed off her earmuffs again.

"That's not true. I don't like the bunnies more than you, and I don't like Carly more than you either if that's what you're thinking." Sam stayed silent for an awkward amount of time, her face reddening with the quiet.

"Are you sure?" she asked in a voice that was almost a whisper. Freddie huffed.

"Of course I'm sure! Carly's my friend, you know that, and she's your friend too!"

"But she _won't be _once she makes the biggest mistake of her life. She'll blame me, I didn't stop her, and she'll be right."

"Stop with this Sam, you _couldn't_ stop her! Whatever she's doing right now, let's not care, all right?"

Sam slammed her fist on the side of the wall.

"No! You don't get it, we _lost _her! She's done!"

"But what I don't get is why I have to lose _you _over this!" Sam raised her eyebrows at Freddie, concern finally melting her hardened eyes.

"You're not losing me." She reassured him, confused, trying to reach for his hand. Freddie raised his eyebrows back at her.

"You were so obsessed over this Carly thing that we've done _nothing _productive this whole time." Sam laughed, seeming a lot calmer.

"Dude, we're living together. How more productive can you get? Unless… you mean…"

"I didn't mean that!" Freddie hastened to explain himself, and Sam laughed again, softening Freddie, too. He half-smiled at her.

"Sometimes… I think you actually like Carly more than _me_." Sam's laugh was softer now, barely audible.

" I don't like Carly more than you. It's just different… you're my bestfriend and my boyfriend while Carly's my best friend and… that's it. But she's just—she's a _girl _that I can go to for everything, you know? She was the first friend I ever had and… I just don't want to see her change when she's lead me along the right path all this time." Freddie snorted once again. Sam always amused him.

"This is you on the right path? At a shooting range? I'd hate to see you on the wrong one…" Sam smiled, and Freddie nodded. "But if she does change… you have to realize that it's not your fault. You've done the best you could by being her friend." Sam shrugged, but finally nodded. "All right."

"Come walk back with me." Sam looked at Freddie, then looked longingly back at the little rabbit.

"Sam?"

"Huh?"

"Don't shoot the bunny."

"But—!"

"Come on!"

"Ugh!"


	7. JeanClaude, AKA ?

"So… how are you, _mon petit papillon_?" Carly felt like anything but his _little butterfly _at the moment. Carly turned to her side, more disgusted with herself than she had ever been in her life. Wasn't this supposed to be magical? Wasn't Jean-Claude _the one_?

"I don't know, Jean-Claude." Jean-Claude was silent for a bit. Was Carly supposed to feel this… _violated_? And to think… _this _is what she possibly ruined her friendship with Sam over. How ridiculous.

"Do you love me?" Carly asked, though she already knew the answer. She finally turned to face Jean-Claude, who looked extremely frightened.

"Um… I do not understand." Carly huffed.

"_M'aimes-tu_?"

"Oui. Of course my love… but you should know I am… uh… how you say… returning?" Carly's heart sank. _Oh my… _

"Excuse me? Returning where?"

"To France."

"Bologna!" Carly screamed, sitting upright and taking the sheets with her. Jean-Claude seemed really frightened now. "Absolute bologna! _Connerie_! So what, you thought you could just… sweet-talk me all this time, steal my _virtue_, then run away back to your stupid country?"

"Oh my God! Carly, I had no idea that you were a virgin! It's just—you know, you started talking to me so quickly and…" Jean-Claude immediately covered his mouth. Carly's jaw dropped. Jean-Claude's words were spoken in a clear, perfect American accent. Carly was so outraged that she couldn't even feel the hot tears as the fell on her cheeks.

"What? _WHAT_? WHO ARE YOU?" Carly jumped from the bed and immediately started dressing herself, but it was too late. The damage was already done. "Jean-Claude" sighed.

"My name is Clark. I really was in France, abroad during high school, and at Colombia I just… I figured I'd put on a French accent, and see what happened, you know? At first it was a joke, but then you really liked it and… I started to really like you, and I liked how I pretty much knew nothing about you, yet we cliqued, you know? Carly, I really did like you. I swear." Carly was still crying, not able to control her tears. This was one thing she thought she'd never do, not in her _lifetime_.

"If you liked me so much, then why would you do this to me?" Clark sighed guiltily once again.

"I was so used to Paris by the time I came here, where sex is like candy. Everybody's had a taste of it, everybody enjoys it, and it's not a big deal until you get a cavity…"

"Or in my case, an STD, which I could have because I don't even know you!"

"If I knew you were a virgin, I wouldn't have done this! Why didn't you just tell me?" Carly huffed. "Probably the same reason you didn't tell me you were American. I was _stupid_! Now get out before Sam comes back and I have her do really bad things to you, which I'm not even sure she would now because she possibly hates me! Thanks to me, but also with much, congratulated thanks and applause to you, I probably lost my best friend. Please, get out." Clark didn't say a word in response. He packed his things in silence for a while.

"Hey Carly? Can you please not tell Colombia about me being American and all? Because… I got a full ride for being French, and my parents need the money really badly."

_Yeah, they need the money so badly that they could send you abroad to learn in freaking France! _Carly didn't respond to his last remark. She just stared at the floor and cried to herself, knowing that there could possibly be no one in the world who would sympathize with her at the moment.


	8. Finally

Sam and Freddie came back from their hour's walk cold and exhausted, but once they closed the door behind them, they noticed the silence throughout the house.

"Carly?" Sam yelled, but there was no answer. Freddie ran up the stairs behind her, following Sam into Carly's room. Sam's jaw dropped once she saw the sheets and hastily pushed Freddie out.

"She's not in there! Carly?"

"I'm in the bathroom!" Carly yelled back, her voice filled with sobs. Freddie and Sam looked at each other with sad eyes. The bathroom door opened to reveal Carly merely sitting on a covered toilet seat, her face completely red. She shook her head sadly at Sam.

"I—it hurts so much!"

"I know, I know." Sam pulled Carly into her arms, who keened and cried continuously into Sam's shoulder. Freddie felt his neck tighten, along with his jaw.

"Where is he? I'll kill him!" Sam rolled her eyes and continued to rock Carly, who raised her head slightly towards Freddie.

"He's gone! He's—he's American! He—he _lied _to me! He took _everything _from me!"

"Carls, I promise, he didn't take _everything _from you. Just a stupid little thing some stupid little girls tried to make the most important event of your life, when it's not." Carly lifted her head away from Sam's shoulder, eyebrows raised, tears still streaming down.

"Then what is it? What's supposed to be the most important event of your life?" Sam didn't really know the answer to that.

"I guess we'll know once we lived it. Carly, you know this isn't it." Carly shook her head in agreement, her hysterical tears kicking up again.

"I—I wish Spencer was here! What would he do? What would he—what would he think of me?"

"Carly, you're still his little sister," Freddie said, sitting down to be on the same level with the two girls, "so he'll think, 'I'm gonna beat the living crap out of that stupid French-American con artist who hurt my little sister'." All three of them laughed, Carly a little nervously.

"What can I do now, though? I can't _ever _take back what happened." Sam smirked.

"Forget it. Erase it from your mind, although… not completely, just in case you want to fall in love with another person who's pretending to be foreign…"

"No thanks. But I don't… I don't think I can ever get it out of my mind."

"So erase it from your heart. Carls, you're gonna find someone someday who's gonna love you and _not _lie to you, and after hopefully longer than you've known Jean-Fraud, this guy will be entirely bangable, just for you." Carly couldn't help but snort, and Freddie rolled his eyes. It started out so good… and then ended up… well… Samish.

"I'm so sorry about everything, guys."

"Ep! From this moment on, it's forgotten!"

"Completely!" Freddie added. Carly smiled.

"Thanks. I think I'm gonna take a shower." Freddie and Sam nodded, and Carly headed back to the bathroom. "I'm really so lucky to have you guys in my life."

"We know. We're kind of lucky to have you, too." Carly sniffed and raised her eyebrows at Sam.

"Kind of?"

"Kind of." Sam smiled back, and Carly knew she was kidding. She closed the bathroom door behind her, happy that everything was going to be back to normal between the three of them.

Freddie smiled at Sam. "You gave pretty good advice… you know, up until that bangable part." Sam laughed and winked.

"You know you liked it." Freddie laughed.

"Yeah, I did… hey, I just realized something!"

"What?" Sam made a mock-shocked face. Freddie looked just as "shocked", but a sly smile formed at his lips.

"I love you… and I don't lie to you… does that mean I'm applicable for that third part?" Sam raised her eyebrows.

"Woah. I thought you didn't want to talk about that." Freddie grimaced.

"I don't. Wow. I feel awkward." Sam placed her hands on her hips, and Freddie jumped to make up for his comment. "Not that I don't… because I _do_, I just… not _now-ish_… well, maybe… but not _now, now_… and wow, I've managed to make this twice as awkward." Sam smiled, her lips in a hard line.

"Maybe we should do this some other time. Under the circumstances, I feel… just gross, thinking of having sex with you right now, you know what I mean?" and with that, Sam smiled and started to walk down the stairs. Freddie followed after her.

"Well, I've never felt _gross _about it… um, Sam? SAM!"


	9. Bunnies, Ducks, or Squirrels?

***A/N: Last Chapter. Hope you like it =)**

Back at the Sea-Tac Airport, Spencer was eagerly waiting for Carly, Freddie and Sam's return. Carly had called Spencer just two days before to apologize, and of course he forgave her, completely happy for the fact that he had his little sister back, and that not even a stupid little French man can steal her away.

He spotted the three of them immediately, laughing and dancing as they got off the plane. Carly froze mid-dance as soon as she saw Spencer and immediately started running towards him.

"CARLY!"

"SPENCER!" Spencer picked up Carly in his arms and spun her around until he was so completely dizzy and nauseous. He set Carly down and touched his palm to his head to try to stop the pain.

"Hey Spence!"

"What up?"

"Sam and Freddie, please don't scream at me anymore." Sam and Freddie looked at each other, wondering what they had missed.

"Spencer, I really, really missed you. I'm so sorry."

"Gah! Don't even mention it, kiddo!" Spencer finally took his hand off of his forehead and gleamed at his sister.

"So what'd you all do?" when Carly hesitated, Freddie jumped in.

"Sam went to a shooting range."

"I shot a bunny."

"Aw, a bunny?"

"What is it with you people and bunnies? If I shot a squirrel, nobody would care!"

"Sam, you didn't tell me you shot a bunny!"

"Sorry, Carls, must have slipped my mind."

"Wait a second, did you shoot a squirrel too?"

"Aw, I _still _feel bad for the squirrel!"

"No, I did not shoot a squirrel. But I also shot a duck."

"Aw, a duck? I always liked ducks!"

"Spencer, I thought you were afraid of ducks."

"Oh yeah, I got over that. Didn't I tell you?"

"No."

"Oh, well I got over it."

"That's nice."

"Good for you, Spencer!"

"Yes, yes. It's really nice that Spencer got over his fear of ducks. Can we go home now?" Carly asked, agitated by the long and pointless discussion. She really wanted some alone time with her brother.

"Gah! No, I don't want to go back to that hag of a thing you call a mother!" Sam pleaded. Freddie sighed.

"Do not mock my mother, please."

"Fine."

Carly grabbed Spencer's hand on her way out of the airport, and Sam grabbed Freddie's hand. They all seemed like children, taking part in this innocent affair. The unfortunate happenings of their vacation in Fresno seemed to be quickly crumbling away.


End file.
